Kamalamma fires a rocket by mistake.

Myself Kamalamma, from Udupi in Karnataka.

Abbabba … what to tell you? Yesterday the Mister is reading newspaper and saying, Tchah, and shaking his head from left to right and right to left like pendulum in wall clock.

I am asking him what is the issue. It seems our neighbour is making too much complaint and protest and all such things. No, no … not neighbour in our Colony, but our neighbouring country. Why? Because it seems suddenly somebody from our side is sending rocket into their side and they are asking, Oye, what is the meaning of this? And our people are saying, Aiyyo it is by mistake and those people are not believing and they are jumping about as if red ants are biting them! Why all this tamasha for one missile misfiring? Why they are not understanding? People at rocket office are simply getting up one morning and saying, today we will fire rocket, or what, like Kamalamma is getting up in the morning and saying, today I will make dosa?

It is genuine mistake, ok! They are doing maintenance work of rocket and little bit confusion is there with On and Off switch; something they are pressing by mistake and booosh … missile is taking off! These things are possible, no?

All people are making such mistakes, even worse sometimes, on daily basis, why to blame those poor fellows, even if they are big big scientists with double degrees and all! Look at my Mister now! So much high education and big position he is holding in his Company but I have to be full alert when we are going somewhere. While entering main door, it is written clearly in big letters – PUSH, but he will 100% pull and pull and pull. And I am standing behind him and saying, Arre baba you have to push, but by that time, door handle is coming off in his hand and he is losing balance with the force. Kamalamma is already loaded with heavy purse and shopping bag and other luggage and I am in full confusion whether to carry one more extra weight of the Mister or simply step aside and let him fall.

Forget that door, sometimes he is sitting in car ready to drive and I am sitting next to him and he is putting reverse gear and we are all looking behind for car to move in reverse, but stupid vehicle is moving front not back. Why like this? Because it seems he is putting wrong gear. By mistake.

And when we are going to restaurant or theatre, if he is wanting to go to wash room, I have to go after him otherwise 100% he will enter wrong room, then all ladies will make more noise than our neighbouring country. Then he is asking why they are not putting one simple sign MEN and WOMEN on the door? All these fancy things like SENOR and SENORITA, MARS and VENUS and other rubbish signs, how we are to understand? First of all, we are not knowing such information about our planets and in school, if they are teaching Spanish instead of Social Studies and all, maybe it is more useful in life.  

In such situations, I am simply pulling him back from wrong door and pushing him inside correct door. I am not like him, waiting for me to make mistake and then making it viral afterwards. That day in half sleeping mode I am taking salt instead of sugar for his coffee and what he is doing? Immediately he is calling all relatives, friends and neighbours and telling them same story 108 times, how I am getting old and cannot even see big labels – SALT or SUGAR, which I am writing in my own handwriting and taping to cover of tin. And he is laughing as if it is biggest joke of century.  

Then, I am getting angry and thinking, forget about salt or sugar, maybe I will put full coffee on his head. It is time Kamalamma fired one missile on the Mister. By mistake!

---

This satirical post was published in the Times of India, Lifestyle.