Kamal amma, aunty or akka?

Myself Kamalamma from Kunjibettu, Karnataka.

What to tell you? Yesterday I am collecting all old newspapers from all over the house for giving to paper-wala and I am by chance seeing one news article in one month old paper. I am thinking how I am missing it before? Then, I am full forgetting paper-wala who is sitting on doorstep with weighing scale and I am reading article then and there.

It seems, one middle-aged woman is making full drama in the street, somewhere in Etah in Uttar Pradesh. What she is doing? I will tell you – she is fighting with young girl in busy market. It seems the woman is blocking the way so young girl is saying politely, excuse me Aunty; and what the woman is doing? She is getting angry with that Aunty title and going into Shoorpanaka mode and slapping the girl and pulling her hair. Aiyyo Tchah!

Girl also is not keeping quiet and Maha Yudh is happening in the middle of busy marketplace. Finally, police are coming it seems.

Abbabba! What is this? How they can do like this? People are not having any sense or what? I am thinking police should have put girl inside jail straightaway! Calling Aunty and all! Which woman will like to be called Aunty? That too in public? I am in 100% support with that paapa woman.

But I am thinking such things are happening only in India. In other Western countries, they are calling everyone – father, mother, grand-father, even teacher and all – by their name only. Father will call his son and say, John I have not seen you for many months and son will say, Yes Peter, let us meet for dinner and then John and Peter will fix appointment to meet 2 weeks later in some restaurant.

But in our country, we are not taking names like that. Even for own husband, how to call by name? I am calling the Mister, Oi to catch his attention; sometimes I am banging the table loudly and other times I am throwing one or two steel paatre in the kitchen. This is 100% working. He is coming at full speed. Paapa fellow, he is maybe afraid, next time I will throw paatre on his head. Tchah! My aim is not that good.

All this is okay for husband at home. What about outside? We cannot throw vessels on other people’s head every time we want to call them no? That is why there is Uncle and Aunty system in India.

But if I am to tell the truth, I am not at all liking this Aunty business. As it is, we women are standing on our heads trying to hide our age. While filling up any form, when we are coming to section for our date of birth, hands are shivering and whole body is sweating, and we are calculating which number to put there. And when grocer, milk-man, watch-man and neighbor are all calling us Aunty, we will get angry or no?

What to tell you? One day bus conductor in crowded bus is shouting in my ear, Oi Aunty move forward. I am looking round and seeing conductor is himself looking like my Uncle. Then I am so angry I am opening my 3^rd eye like Lord Shiva and giving him angry look. But that fellow is not turning to ashes and he is simply repeating his words. Tchah!

After that I am not going by that bus. Even if I am getting late, I am waiting for next bus. Why? Because next bus conductor is calling me Akka. From inside my stomach, nice feeling is moving upwards and I am allowing conductor to keep the change when buying the ticket. When I am telling the Mister this, he is laughing and saying oho now you will call him for Raksha Bandhan or what?

Yes, yes … as if he is not blushing when upstairs madam is calling him Anna! When the Mister is Anna, how Kamalamma can be Aunty?

Correct no?