Radhika's Diaries

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Dear Mr. Khan,

Myself Kamalamma from Kunjibettu, Karnataka.

What to tell you Sir? Today full drama in our house. The Mister is stretching out his arms wide and saying, K…K…K…; I am in total tension. You see, I am making drumstick sambar for lunch and I am thinking maybe one stick of drum is getting stuck in his throat. So I am rushing in full speed with glass of water and then I am hitting hard on his back 3 or 4 times so that drumstick will either go inside throat or come out of mouth.

But thanks to our Udupi Lord Krishna, it is false alarm and one big Ayyabba moment for Kamalamma. Drumstick is swallowed and digested long back. It seems he is simply trying to call K…K…K… Kamalamma!

Ohohoho… how I am to know this? At night I am getting dream or what, that next day he will suddenly stand and act like ShahRukh Khan?

After some time, when he is more calm and less angry I am asking him why suddenly he is getting SRK’s spirit inside him. It seems he is reading somewhere that you and your Gauri amma are doing some AirBnb contest and winner is getting 1D 1N stay in your home in Delhi. My poor man is all excited and is wanting to tell me this in SRK style. He is thinking if I enter contest I will win 100% and then he will join me because 1 guest is allowed with winner it seems.

Now, all that is okay. Winning contest and all is small matter for Kamalamma. Bigger issue for me is, after we are reaching your house and you are giving us open arm welcome and your dimple smile, then what?

Bed and Breakfast is free it seems, but what about other arrangements? We have to pay extra for dinner? There is vegetarian? I am okay with anything from vegetarian list but the Mister is one happy man if there is idli in menu. But I am to tell you that he is only eating idli if there is home made ghee. We are South Indian no! He will put 2 teaspoon ghee on hot idli and spread it nicely like I am spreading fruit pack on my face. And even if you are keeping chutney or sambar he will turn your kitchen upside down looking for gun powder.

No, no… not to worry. we are not members of Anti Terrorism Squad. That is special S. Indian powder for idli and dosa. It is so hot and spicy if you just touch it to your tongue then you and Gauri will immediately start dancing like Chammak Challo.

After the meals issue, I am having small question about guest room you are giving for contest winner. Is there facility for drying clothes inside the room? On our holiday trips we are always carrying nylon rope in luggage. As soon as room boy is leaving after taking big tip from us, we are removing rope from suitcase and tying from one end of room to other. Our temporary clothes-line is going over the bed like zipline and we are sleeping at night with saree petticoat, VIP banian and kacha all flying up of our head. Next day morning, it is nice feeling to see they are full dried like udid dal papad in hot sun.

Now what about our bathroom? Hot water is coming in tap? For bath and other purposes? In Delhi, it seems February is too much cold. One other small request from our side. The Mister and I are not used to fancy gadgets. We are simple people and our daily bath is with one plastic bucket and one mug. This way we are saving water and time also.

On our tour to different places, there is different design taps in hotel bathrooms. Full confusion is there. When we are getting ready to take bath, million dollar question is, how to open the tap? We are pulling tap, pushing it, turning it left and right, beating it like we are beating TV remote. Sometimes water is suddenly coming on our head from overhead shower. Abbabba! For one bath so much nataka. Finally we are hiding inside big bath towel and calling housekeeping. Can’t do all such things in your home no? So please put ordinary tap inside guest bathroom.

As soon as these minor points are taken care of at your end, I will enter contest with peaceful mind.

Lastly I am to tell you not to worry about how we will reach Delhi. I do not know about me, but the Mister is ready to come from Udupi to Delhi on top of Rajdhani Express dancing Chaiyaan Chaiyaan chaiyaan chaiyaan…!

Yours affectionately,

As published on my link The Witty Wordsmith in Times Of India Blogs.

12 thoughts on “Kamalamma writes an open letter to SRK

  1. Aishwariya says:

    Omg! So cute πŸ˜€ I saw this news on SRK’s Facebook page about the Air BnB thingy, but you have spun such a lovely column out of it:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜† Fun na!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Jyoti Jha says:

    Very affectionately hilarious! yet again Kamalamma’s magic churns bouts of laughter.


  3. Archana says:

    Haha! Hilarous! This open letter brought a smile on my face throughout reading. SRK may forget the contest by the time but could never take off this Kamalamma out of his mind once he metπŸ˜„


  4. kittysverses says:

    This is very hilarious, Kamalamma, I wish you win this contest and update us on that. Eagerly awaiting your victory so that we could read about it. Superb, Ma’am. πŸ™‚


  5. Dr Heena Rachh says:

    You are a Super story teller… reminds of RK Narayana. The word imagery drawn brings the characters live on your mind space πŸŒπŸ’ž


  6. Satabdi says:

    Laughed my head off! And I can relate to the tap confusion in hotels.


  7. Ha ha ha…This is super hilarious. Gauri amma ….ha ha ha… Radhika ji hats off to you.


  8. namita das says:

    It’s so cute and hilarious. I hope SRK takes note of this and gives you that AirBnb stay. You don’t need to enter the contest, you already won it ❀️


  9. Paying extra for dinner and all the other seemingly trivial details! Loved this one. Kamalamma rocks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup…one has got to clarify every minute detail before accepting a prize… whether it’s SRK or whoever! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True! Trust Kamalamma to teach us that valuable lesson πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

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