A letter to Prince Harry and Meghan

My dear Harry and Meghan,

Myself Kamalamma from Kunjibettu, Karnataka.

I am writing with regard to your recent announcement which sent the whole world into such a tizzy. Really, this Megxit business is getting dissected in all newspapers like a frog in a school laboratory.

I am little sad – a very difficult decision, I know. But the Mister is telling me it is semi- retirement and not full Golden Handshake like in our MNCs!

The whole world may criticise your decision but Kamalamma is with you.

I understand why you are taking such a decision.

First of all – that paparazzi! Tchah! Not a moment of peace. Night and day following you and your family with zoom camera and all.

That day one fellow with camera is following me all the way from bus stand to my house lane. Ayyo! I thought paparazzi is after me or what! Then it turns out he is just some tourist taking local pictures of cows and everything. Inside I am feeling little disappointed – my moment of fame is gone no!

Then there is also problem of big joint family. Poor Meghan is coming all the way from America (that FREE country)! How she will adjust?

For most of us one mother-in-law is coming up to neck! She has one step-mother-in-law and one father-in-law and also one grand-mother-in-law and one grand-father-in-law breathing down her neck. Ababba! Imagine. I would have run away on 1st day itself!

If there is chance of becoming Queen some time in future then at least okay, but where is the chance? Too much long line is there! And our Queen Ajji is looking fit as a fiddle for many more years. Touchwood!

So you both are thinking best to go for Plan B! Good idea!

But why Canada? That is not so good idea I think. I know it is very great and beautiful country having one PM who is dancing bhangra and all, but other than that what is there?

Too big and too cold country if you ask me.

In Kamalamma’s humble opinion better to come and settle here in India. And in India best option is our Udupi. Nice, small, warm and hospitable place.

Sun is little bit hot, but for English people that is big asset no! You people are travelling half-way across the world for getting tan and all. Here it is free all the year round.

Moreover in Canada what you will do for work? Getting good job is difficult I hear.

Here in Udupi, you don’t have to work at all. Thanks to our Udupi Krishna everyday some function or other is there with grand south-Indian lunch on banana leaf. What to tell you! If the Mister and I have to go for one such lunch then we are skipping morning breakfast and night dinner also. After eating this lunch both of us are tottering back home and lying full length on sofa like python – to digest the heavy meal.

Also in Canada immigration is not so easy I think. If you want to settle down, too much formalities and procedures it seems.

Our India is not having any such issues. Getting pan card, aadhar card, ration card, passport is too much easy. Easier than standing in long queue in your London to buy tickets to see our own Kohinoor diamond!

Initially little adjustment problem will be there, but you will feel at home very soon, because I am 101% sure you will discover some ancestor here – some great-grand-doddappa or some great-great-grand-mami from the days of the British Raj.

I sincerely hope by now you are convinced why this is best choice. If still little doubt is there I will quote one newspaper report I read yesterday – it seems 80% of those interviewed in Canada are not too happy with your plans and 20% said “They don’t care!” 

Tchah, what people!

In our India we are not like that. We welcome everyone with open arms. If they are coming with arms and ammunition also no problem.

Because ATHTHI DEVO BHAVA you see! 

Ending this letter with namaskarams to the royal ajja and ajji and all other elders in Buckingham Palace.

Your sincere well wisher,

Kamala.