The fellow behind the counter shifted the gum around in his mouth and looked at JayPrakash Uncle.
The Uncle shifted from one foot to the other and looked back at him.
JP Uncle and The Aunt were at the Subway Outlet and The Uncle was in line trying to get a sandwich assembled. He studied the chart for the types of bread and broke into a sweat.
“Er… which bread would you suggest?” he tentatively asked the guy at the counter.
“Your choice Sir” the chap replied. “There’s 9-grain, Hearty Italian, White Italian, Honey-Oat, Parmesan, Garlic……! Which would you like?”
The Uncle sighed long and hard.
“Trust these Americans to complicate a simple thing like a sandwich!” he muttered.
Life was so much easier at a South Indian restaurant. You walk in and tell the server “One plate idli” and then sit back and relax. After 5 minutes the server is back with exactly that – one plate of idli with sambar and chutney, just the way you like it. Nobody has any doubt in the matter.
The server doesn’t stand there with an air of superiority and ask you things like –
“What colour idli Sir? Pale brown, Deep brown, white, off-white?”
“Size of idli Sir – 7″ diameter, 9″ diameter….?”
“And the chutney – Tomato? Onion? Coconut?”
Ordering food in a restaurant, according to The Uncle ought to be simple, relaxing and enjoyable. Not a traumatic series of choices to make from start to finish – from the selection of bread to sauces!! Almost Rocket Science as far as The Uncle was concerned!
The Uncle’s worst phase was at the middle phase normally. This was where he fumbled, sweated and stammered. As he did now.
“The filling Sir…?” the guy asked.
“Er… vegetarian.” he replied. “Please put uh…. some tomatoes…. onions…..uh some capsicum……olives and some jollypins.”
The guy almost swallowed his gum as he looked at The Uncle with a puzzled frown.
“Yeah……er…..jellypennies…….er no sorry the jelowpenos….. ! Ok those green spicy things over there.”
“Oh you mean the halopenhos?” the guy said with a swagger and something like a snigger.
The Uncle nodded silently and moved forward to pay for his order. He then retreated to where The Aunt sat waiting.
“Hyalopenhos indeed!!” he muttered. “Why write the ‘J’ when you don’t want to say it!!!”
“Fancy Fast Food joints have fancy names and pronunciations.” said The Aunt. “The ‘J’ is silent and it’s actually ‘H’ and …… oh you won’t get it!”
The Uncle thought about it for a while.
“Oh I think I got it” he said. “J is H …….. so if there’s Jug in the menu then I can ask for a Hug right!!! ” And he chuckled merrily, his mood back in place at this interesting prospect.
x ——————————————- x
This is the 10th in the series – The Adventures of The JP Family as part of the A 2 Z Blog Challenge 2019
Alphabet Illustration – Sudarshan Rao