“Little Rocket Man. Your threats will be met with fire and fury; madman on the loose!”
“Rogue! Gangster! A frightened dog barks loudest. I will tame the mentally deranged dotard with fire”
These verbal missiles are what some boys, separated by about 6423 miles and an Ocean, are firing at each other.
Well Well. Boys will be boys. Especially little boys! Most especially angry little boys, who need to settle ego issues or disputes related to their toys or other possessions.
I’m not sure how little girls settle issues among themselves – having seen only boys in my side of the family. In my young days, during an argument between my brother and me, I invariably managed to out-argue him for three simple reasons :
- I was the youngest! (wink wink)
- My voice
- I had to have the last word.
So the poor bro, a calm, peace-loving, intelligent chap unlike me, even if he put his best argument forward, I would counter it with a loud ‘hmmph’ or a defiant snort. Not very smart but a sure winner all the same. But, that was all. There was nothing to write home about!
On the other hand, I guess it’s a different ball game, when its boy vs boy.
My maternal aunt’s two sons – both super intelligent, well-read and with a keen sense of humor – used to have lively entertaining spats during their school-going days. Since they used to spend most summer vacations with us, we were very interested and amused spectators at these slang bouts. Whatever the topic of the argument when it first began, it would generally follow the usual pattern of name-calling and threats, and it would get ingenious, innovative and hilarious as it progressed.
A typical argument would involve calling each other a bashi bazouk, blue blistering barnacle, dunderhead coconut, a crocodile, a cockroach, a parasite……. among other things. There was this one occasion when it went this way :
-“You’re a stupid spider.”
-“And you’re a bumbling beetle.”
-“Then you’re a …a… creepy crawly whatsit.”
-“And you’re that sticky, slimy, yucky thing found in the mud……”
This was then followed up with mild fisticuffs, most unimaginatively interrupted by my harassed aunt. 😉
Decades later, my sister’s two sons carried on the tradition faithfully by calling each other a snail, a frog, a caterpillar, an ant-eater, a flea, a lice, that ‘dirty thing’ with sixteen legs, that ‘other dirtier thing’ which crawls up the wall….. and more.
My own twin boys, following the footsteps of their two enterprising older cousins, all but exhausted the entire list of zoological and mythical creatures! One hilarious exchange between the two small fellas started off with one stepping on the other’s carefully assembled building blocks. So the latter called the former ‘a fat blundering blind elephant.’ The other then retaliated with ‘and you’re a clumsy dinosaur.’ The 1st one informed the 2nd that he felt sorry for him as his screw had come loose. The 2nd replied that he couldn’t care less as the other had lost all his screws and there was no hope for him now!
Then the two upped the ante with threats to each other…..
-“I’ll trip you and laugh when you fall flat on your face.”
-“You try that and I’ll tie your shoelaces together and watch you jump around.”
-“Then, I’ll light a fire cracker under your chair.”
-“Before that I’ll tie you to a lighted fire rocket and watch you take off.”
And so it would go on……. along the same rhythm!!
Imaginative, entertaining and articulate ways of settling minor disputes between sibling brothers, all of whom have now grown up into handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, caring human beings and citizens of the world.
Can the same be said of those two little grown boys, tweeting rude names, insults and fiery threats to each other, across 6423 miles and a vast ocean; and whose toys are far more advanced, sophisticated and dangerous!!
When will they grow up?! 🙂