Survival of the “Mite”iest

“Mother knows best” is a thing of the past in my house these days! It seems like ages ago when my twin sons would hang on to my every word as if it was the Gospel truth. Gone also are the days when they would go into battle mode, with the fierce words,”But my mummy said….!”  Now, my young sons know it, know it ALL, and it transpires that they’ve known it for a long long time. It’s just that I wasn’t aware of this.

So this being the prevailing scenario at my home, you will no doubt understand and sympathize with my point, when I say that I DO NOT need anyone coming along to vindicate their stance, and, especially not a carefully-researched study, however well it has been received by the rest of the world!  I’m referring to this article which appeared in a magazine recently. An innocent, well-meant piece actually. Something about a study conducted on mites (you know them……..the tiny microscopic creatures snuggling in our warm beds)  To put it briefly, the article informed its readers – now note these words carefully – that a neatly made-up bed encourages the mites to thrive, bless ’em; something to do with the warmth and humidity of folded blankets;  whereas they apparently dry out when the bed covers and blankets are left to air(read: unfolded!)

As I said earlier, an innocent and intelligent study conducted by hard-working and diligent scientists.   Personally I have nothing against these genius types ….. These kindly chaps must surely have been shaking each others’ hygienic, gloved hands and patting each other on their white lab-coated backs after they came up with such earth-shattering conclusions. All very good and necessary information undoubtedly, if mankind has to surge ahead of the mites in the race for survival. BUT; and there’s a huge ‘but’ here if you notice….  certainly not advisable for a household inhabited by two young boys who do NOT make their beds in the morning… or at noon…..or for that matter, ever!

Whereas morning  routines in most houses are probably conducted with soft melodious chants in the background; in ours it’s “FOLD YOUR BLANKET AND MAKE YOUR BED!” And the neighbors two doors away will vouch for the fact that this never comes out in ‘soft melodious’ tones. In all probability, they ( the neighbors that is) start making their beds when they hear it – but, not ‘mah boyz’! Their beds, when they manage to crawl out of it mid-afternoon or thereabouts will be littered with computer cables, head-phones, empty chips packets, a half-eaten apple, one sock, a pair of well-worn jeans,  besides the blankets and stuff of course; the latter heaped in an untidy mess. The universe must surely have been in this very same state before the Big Bang!

My boys meet my injunction (to make their beds) with an incredulous look; which correctly and expertly interpreted reads, “Mothers!! when will they grow up?? Like….duh!!” Their logic is simple and irrefutable – why bother when it’s going to be needed again later, anyway! Such a colossal waste of time and energy…… both of which can be used for other productive stuff;  stuff which they’d actually been  putting off doing for the past so many days… or is it weeks?  But that’s a different issue….  They stamp their feet delightedly, and hoot with laughter when I tell them how my grand mother used to say that Demons reside in unmade beds. And now some research guys(armed with statistics and figures and graphs and the like) come and inform us that mites reside in made beds! Well really! It’s not fair…….I can almost picture the sarcastic, supercilious smile on the boys’ faces as they look at this article, their beds and then me – in that order. Needless to say, they’d known all of this all along…. and having to choose between the devil  and the mites…… well their choice is pretty obvious. And besides, the devil doesn’t give one the itch or the allergy while it’s  a recorded fact that the mites do…!

However….. as a mother who’s got her facts on hygiene and all that sort of thing all recorded down to the last Tee, I have no intention of letting my sons catch sight of this offending magazine or the said article snuggling within its covers! Therefore, I plan to conceal it somewhere , and ……, I’ve hit upon the very place to do it – why, in their own bed of course!!  With almost everything that they possess in this world(except for  their football shoes) already in that bed, I’m confident they’d never notice an extra magazine or two!

Aha! So this mother does know something after all. Like….duh!!

 

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